Colony Cafe
The Colony Hotel,736 Ocean Dr, Miami Beach, FL, 33139
Colony Cafe Menu
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Address :
The Colony Hotel,736 Ocean Dr
Miami Beach, FL, 33139 - Phone (305) 695-1974
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Opening Hours
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Specialities
- Takes Reservations : Yes
Delivery : No
Take-out : Yes
Accepts Credit Cards : Yes
Parking : Street
Bike Parking : Yes
Wheelchair Accessible : Yes
Good for Kids : No
Good for Groups : No
Attire : Casual
Noise Level : Very Loud
Alcohol : Full Bar
Outdoor Seating : Yes
Wi-Fi : Free
Has TV : Yes
Waiter Service : Yes
WE SERVE THE FOLLOWING STATES
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Humberto B.
Nestled in the heart of South Beach, just inside the small yet beautifully decorated Colony Hotel, this quaint little spot is great for anyone new to Miami looking for a 5-star quality meal. The restaurant itself is amusingly unconventional, but don't let that throw you off. The music is eclectic yet pleasant, the staff is incredibly friendly and quick, and the food itself is to die for. As with any upscale restaurant, I would not recommend this place for those on a tight budget. However, if you're looking to take a break from the Miami Beach heat with an exquisite meal and some refreshing margaritas (and you've got the budget to afford the quality) then this place is definitely for you! I've visited Colony Cafe a number of times and have had a satisfying experience every time. I recommend you ask for Svetalana (she's a sweetheart) and try their pizza. The alcoholic beverages, while definitely on the pricy side, are ENORMOUS and expertly concocted. Enjoy!
(5)Tarun R.
Just to remind.... Still the most sucking restaurant in the world ... Only if I was food inspecter ..would have closed this restaurant The behaviors Cunning Intentions towards customers I still can't believe they legally took away my 350 dollars for bunch of shrimps ...feels like looted
(1)Jacque J.
Worst restaurant and service I've ever had in my life! No one comes to serve you and when they do they get your whole order wrong. The food sucks. Lied on the drink special being 2 for 1. Lied on the costs of the drink when the bill finally came. Took forever to get help once seated. Honestly...the worst dining experience ever. 1 star because I guess that's the lowest you can go. I hope this place goes out of business. Thieves!
(1)Jordon H.
-5 Stars! ***S C A M*** 2 for 1 drinks that cost $55 dollars a price + a $25 service charge? What the hell? So u put us in the hospital then charge us $200 before u even get to eat the food! IF U R IN A GROUP OF 4 PPL ONLY ORDER 1 DRINK. BTW the real name
(1)Leslie C.
These people are calling themselves different restaurant names in order to avoid the horrible reviews. Worst service. They lied to us and told us the drinks were two for 25. Then the check came and the drinks were 55. Called the manager and he didn't do ANYTHING. He basically told us we were wrong. Left no tip. They brought us shots that were obviously a reconciliation with probably some spit it in, and we just threw them on the plants. This restaurant is the worst on south beach. Never come here.
(1)Thomas B.
No such thing as happy hour. Ordered drinks but charged double because apparently they weren't big enough. Also ordered a meal and they charged us double. Their excuse was it comes in 2? How does that even make sense. Do not go here.
(1)Ashley R.
They overcharged and ripped us off big time! Waiter brought out a menu with no prices on it. When we ordered the hot plate (appetizer plate) he told us it was 55 dollars. We also ordered water and they brought us a bottle of water which was 10 dollars. Once we got the bill it was 130 dollars. We had to argue with the manager who was already arguing with another party who was furious about being over charged as well. We finally got the bill down. Very sketchy. Save yourself the trouble there is many other places a lot cheaper.
(1)Ruth C.
The food was average but my friend and I both got free drinks, which is a big deal in South Beach, so I'll give it two stars.
(2)Jaclyn M.
With so many great places to eat on ocean drive, I hope this review finds someone before choosing to eat here. For the same price you will get bread with olive oil, glass of lemon water and attentive service a couple restaurants down. Our food was cold and barely edible. We ended up paying our bill and going to another restaurant (cafe milano). Our sodas were never refilled, the waiter was nowhere to be found. Insant potatoes served cold...yuck! There was a shady crowd of people, possibly guests that just squeezed themselves between our chairs every 5 min. to get into the street to come back to the hotel and repeat OVER & OVER again....customers behind us were very annoyed when they got their bill for 4 drinks and an appetizer. They kept yelling they were being ripped off and they were. The resturant advertises 2 for 1 but that's not true! They had a simple Margarita for $45 each. Earlier that day my fiance and I had a bubbling smoking decorated drink from the sugar factory for $40. The value was not the same or even close! We've tried many places to eat in Miami and never had a bad word to say. This place was terrible, we felt robbed.
(1)Kevin D.
I would've given this place a higher rating since the food was good, but this place is a ripoff to the extent that it negates anything positive I could say about it. There's a gross lack of transparency with pricing. My friend and I ordered a meal for which they charged us $150! If we'd known the price was so exorbitant we never would've ordered it. The drinks were also outrageously priced. When I saw the bill I was visibly shocked and our waitress said, "Don't be mad at me." This was obviously a reaction she'd seen many times before. Total tourist trap.
(1)Jonathan G.
This restaurant is good food. The rices are adequate. I agree with the price. I appreciate the drinking and camaraderie with all my American friends here. The bad reviewers are part of a conspiracy against this restaurant, ignore them al.
(5)Michael A.
What a ripoff! Do not go here. The reason that the price of a shot is 28 dollars is "because its miami". Meanwhile I havent paid that much for shots anywhere else in Miami. They are unclear on pricing and do what they want. Seedy place with seedy people. If I could rate it negative numbers, I would.
(1)Jeff A.
Paid $25 for an ice tea. Just an ice tea. It was rang up on the receipt as open liquor which probably means the server pocketed most of it. Took 20 minutes to take our order, even longer to get it, and the server suddenly didn't speak English when we asked about the $25 ice tea. This place is a joke.
(1)Kevin L.
everything the previous reviews said were right. the food was unbearable and bland. They lure you in with the 50% off selected dishes but in reality, there's no way in hell i'd ever pay even 10% of the price. The food was just really really really bad. Chicken sandwich is gross and expensive at $20 each. garden salad could not be worse with a few pathetic pieces of tomato on a tiny bed of stale lettuce. The pasta was really bad too and i think they just dumped the food out of a can of pasta and microwaved it. the service was extremely slow and it took them 30 minutes to cook something that tasted a whole LOT worse than frozen/can food and there was no one at the restaurant. so go somewhere else and save yourself your hard-earned $$...
(1)Christine J.
STAY AWAY! This restaurant uses multiple aliases to hide the negative reviews. Rated worst restaurant in America! Horrible restaurant! Bad service, over priced drinks, and over cooked food! The only reason I rating it 1 star is because there isn't a 1/2 star rating available. Recently I celebrated my birthday in South Beach Miami and was approached by one of their hostesses offering me a 2 for 1 deal on drinks and 20% off my meal. I said yes and was seated. OMG - big mistake! Our waiter (Claudio) was lazy, smug, and arrogant. Took him 20 mins to take our order, we asked for bread 5x (only to receive it at the end of our meal), my friend asked about her dish and he told her she should have read the menu closer ('your fault; not mine'), and worst of all - they charged us $45 for each cocktail! Who would pay $45 knowingly for Happy Hour drinks?! The nearby restaurants have 2:1 for less than $20 each. When we challenged it, he said 'read the sign, the price is listed'! The 'sign' is posted in an obscure location so people eating outside will not easily spot it. When we tried to talk to the hostess, she had mysteriously disappeared. So it is now our mission to warn as many as possible to NOT EAT or DRINK at COLUMBUS CAFE / RESTAURANT EVER!
(1)Shawn M.
Fool me once Shame on me. And since I was only fooled once...I've been shamed. I should have checked trusty yelp before agreeing to meet friends here for lunch. It's as advertised. One star. At best. Everything tasted horrible, the service was even more pathetic. Never again Colony Cafe.
(1)Nancy C.
Awful food (burnt cheeseburger), even more horrible drinks with the "allure" that you get two drinks for the price of one $18!!! for sweet and crappy drinks. Horrible service and disregard for customers. Awful music in the evening. Who wants to feel pounding dance music while eating?!!! Stay away!!!
(1)Andrew G.
You know I've been here one time which was a little while ago... HORRIBLE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE! And I didn't have to write a review cause they are featured on Yahoo's #1 dirtiest, shady, rip off places in all of the U.S.!! I feel bad for the owner but you guys need to get your stuff together or just sell it to someone who cares. You guys are in a prime location. Hope that knowing they are rated #1 worst restaurant in the U.S. gets them to make some changes. Good Luck! :-(
(1)Foodie M.
Read an article about how bad this place was, so I went in to try it for myself. Brought $50 to have a couple drinks and a "meal"... that wasn't enough. First drink was $10, second was $12... they were the same drink. Had the chicken something or another, it was cold in the center, and had a hint of slime to it (for some reason I kind of hope I do get sick to get a piece of that real estate, because I know damn well they dont have enough income to pay my expenses). Went to the bathroom to see what all the fuss was about, and wow were they correct, I decided to wash my hands with my own urine because that seemed like the most sanitary option. After choking down as much as I could of that terrible dish, I decided to make this experience as memorable as possible by ordering desert, which never came, because I could not wait another 2 seconds in this hell hole. Colony Cafe, you certainly are #1 in a couple categories: Yahoo's Worst Restaurants And... My #1 vision of what not to do from a business perspective. Do mankind a favor and shut your doors forever, the building you are renting? will need to be condemed after you leave. Thanks for the fantastic experience. P.S. Please hold the BS by changing the pictures on the hotel website, there is no possible way this location could be any of these pictures. The rooms are unkept and dirty, just like the restaurant. How do you continue to pay the property taxes on this land???
(1)J s.
I made the bad decision of going here a while back, I was coming in from the beach and apparently do not make great decisions when super hungry, its actually funny to me and I quite often make jokes about how I got "tourist trapped" Frozen pizza served for margherita, cold cuts served for grilled chicken sandwich, Server asked my girlfriend if she would like a glass of water, brings a $12 liter of Aqua panna and runs off before we even blinked, Fresh squeezed Lemonade (CAN) in a Dirty cracked plastic, with black mold on the bottom, only time we saw our waiter again was when he did a "drive by" man he was fast, to drop off the check....
(1)Natasha U.
This place is SHADY!! How in the world is this place still in business??!! Ughhh..I am so bitter I got sucked into the abyss of eating here just because my boyfriend and I wanted to eat somewhere simple on Ocean Drive. Let me ask you this...who pays $18 for a non-alcoholic drink?? A fool who is told some BS that they are getting two for one drinks..that's who. Do not be fooled by the fact that they have various aliases, this is indeed the Colony Cafe...not "The Pershing" and not "Chef Vincent Restaurant". Make no mistake, their deceitful practices will catch up with them eventually. The food was just okay, but how they get people is by overcharging people for drinks (even if they are nonalcoholic!) Unless you feel like dropping $60 on a substandard lunch, run for the love of your wallet..just run.
(1)James Q.
This place is the worst place ever. The service was the worst, the drinks tasted like turpentine, and the employees are out to scam everyone that comes near. Do NOT be fooled by the "two for one" special. They said their credit card machine was down and INSISTED we use THEIR ATM to pay the bill !! This was the worst bar experience in years.
(1)Joyce M.
Terrible experience here.. it was terrible. I go to check on 'worst restaurants in the U.S. on Yelp', and suddenly discover that this one is at the TOPP. Well, I will never eat here again, you can count on that, that I will just never EVER eat here.. truly one of the worst restaurants.
(1)A C.
STAY AWAY- Worst restaurant I have ever had the (dis)pleasure of dining at.. Stopped in after being promised 2 for 1 drinks (which turned out only to be a very small and weak shot). With no drink prices on the menu, it was very easy to assume that prices would be normal for that part of Miami Beach. Nope, the frozen drinks were $45 a piece and a single bottle of domestic beer was $10. For me personally, this was not the worst part. That came when after our waiter ignored us for at least 25 minutes, then when we finally received our check, they claimed that they couldn't split it onto multiple tickets (so that everyone could pay for their own). On top of that they have a mandatory 20% tip that is non-negotiable. I am more than happy to leave well more than that if the services warrant it, but in this case I wouldn't have left a single dollar... When all was said and done, our three standard lunch plates, two frozen drinks, and one beer, left us with a bill for lunch over $185. Needless to say, I would not eat there again if they refunded every bit of that meal. EATER BEWARE!!
(1)Mimi V.
Please don't come here tourist or resident ! run awayy save your money go to your local bk or mcdonalds!
(1)Jim U.
Clearly one of the worst restaurants in the country, not because of their food or service but rather their misleading/fradulent business practices. A tell-tale sign that something is amiss here is the multiple names (aliases) for the place of business. The advertising leader that we were handed as we were walking down Ocean Drive said the restaurant is called "The Pershing". The bill I signed said the restaurant is called the "Chef Vincent Restaurant". Neither of these places can be found on Yelp though. Carefully searching for the same physical address, I have came to learn that the place is known as the "Colony Cafe". Reading the other reviews, I see the restaurant has other aliases as well. One clear reason for all of the different names is to escape the 1.5 star average that this place is enjoying on Yelp. The average is surprisingly high though, because this place is a blatant RIPOFF like I have never seen before. For lunch, their advertising leader offers a number of specials for $9.50 and also promises 2 for 1 happy hour drinks. Simple enough, I assumed. I opted for a Cuban sandwich which really was $9.50. For the drinks, I asked if I could have a rum and coke instead of one of the cocktails, and my girlfriend asked if she could have a virgin (nonalcoholic) daiquiri. Both requests were honored, and we were shortly presented with two gigantic glasses filled with our drinks. The sandwich is absolutely terrible and not in the least authentic. How can they serve such a lousy Cuban sandwich in the heart of Miami? The bread was toasted and hot, while at the same time the pork lunch meat inside was very cold; I can only assume it came directly from the refrigerator. There was no Bolo ham, or any ham for that matter. There was raw tomato and lettuce though which I have never seen before on a Cuban sandwich. Just lousy and even at $9.50 it cost about twice as much as an amazing Cuban sandwich I had in Little Havana just days prior. Beyond the terrible sandwich, my serious gripe is with the drinks. Our two for one drinks, one of which was non-alcoholic, cost us $27. Really, a rum and coke and a virgin cocktail normally costs $54 for lunch? Really? We had to ask someone in charge to explain the bill to us. He said that really each drink was two drinks, so we didn't have two drinks between us, but rather 4. My rum and coke was $18 after the discount, and my girlfriend's virgin drink was $9 after the discount. I am still confused even as I write this. So my one drink costs about the same as an entire bottle of rum after the discount? Rum and cokes are normally $36 apiece? Really? All in, our simple quick lunch by the beach ran us about $60. A weak drink and a terrible sandwich for that money? Craziness! How do they add insult to injury? Why with an 18 percent mandatory tip of course. I have never felt so compelled to tell a restaurant to go and F**K off before! This is absolutely the worst place I have ever been in the world! I would have been happier if I ate at Subway and was mugged afterwards. Seriously avoid!
(1)Judy S.
Two words: "RIP-OFF"!!!! Totally ruined my first night in South Beach. I "Yelp" places religiously - why the hell did I not read the reviews for this place!?!?!? Hubby & I waited 45 minutes for our meal. Was ready to pay for our drinks & bounce - when our waiter tells us two more minutes. Sure enough, food arrives. $65 seafood pasta, $17 burger, $16 dollar cocktail & $5 soda (with no refills!!!). Total: $130 & they took it upon themselves to add the 18% gratuity which the waiter doesn't even deserve!!! Forced to pay cash - credit card machine was down (we just wanted to get the hell out of there). Once we returned to our hotel we realized they didn't even take 25% off the tab - the main reason why we went there! This place is just wrong, so wrong on so many levels. Should've left when we had the chance! I'm not even going to mention the quality of the food - not worth my time. Another two words: "NO STARS"!!!!
(1)Gail J.
The meals were a rip off! Had another easy meal (a caesar salad since the prices were totally not in my budget) and so did my other friends. Only one of girlfriends had an Italian dish (I think it was spaghetti or something) When I got my meal, I swear it was only ten baby green leafs, ten croutons, and a drop of balsamic vinegrette. Yes, I counted everything. And that was 14 bucks. Honestly, for all of you travelers, who never went to Miami, be ready to dish out half your paycheck to just restaurants (if you love to eat) Oh yeah, be careful with the crazy a$$ gratuity that they "add" to your bill but it's actually voluntary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We didn't even know that until we asked other folks in Miami and that's what they told us. We've been punked in the worst way possible. The waiter was sooooo nice that I felt sooooo bad because I wasn't happy with my meal and the prices. Eeeeh, I won't visit this place again.
(3)Craig J.
This place is a disaster. There's not much I can add here that others haven't already said. My terrible beach karma has landed me here TWICE. Miami residents know the story: friends come into town and want to go to the Beach...on a Saturday...at 2 PM. Then, while doing the mandatory walk down Ocean, they see 2-for-1 drinks. Your warnings and protests are ignored, and next thing you know you have the displeasure of eating at the Colony. The food here is inconceivably terrible, and that's really all that can be said. Nothing on the menu is worthwhile, and everyone dining there suffers equally. The discounted drinks are, as a previous reviewer noted, smaller in size than the regular drinks. The service is also remarkably horrid, even for Miami...even for Miami Beach. There are many dining options along Ocean, and you'd be best off picking somewhere else.
(1)Steve K.
Completely agree with other reviews....DON'T GO HERE! We were wandering around on the strip looking for a place to stop and have a giant mojito. They lured us in with the 2 for 1 deal. When we were seated, the hostess mentioned we also go 1/2 price appetizers. We ordered 2 mojitos, when they came to our table they were the tiny/reg. sized drinks for $30!!! Are you kidding me? We also ordered a "1/2 price" calamari. What we got was what looked like left over onion rings after someone was done with them....just a small pile of cold mush. Yuck. We decided to cut our losses and move on. Then we got our bill - $70 for 4 tiny drinks (2 for 1) and their appetizer which the waitress explained "wasn't" 1/2 price - $18! What a joke. Don't bother with this place - Keep walking!
(1)Francine H.
This place is the lowest of lows on Miami Beach. It has multiple names: Colony Cafe, Chef Vincent at Colony Hotel, Colony Bistro, and Colony Restaurant---I call it unethical. Colony Cafe lures you in with their "50% off all menu items" deal. At first it seems like the best deal on the strip, a word of warning: it's not. The portions are small even for the Miami Beach price, the food was ridiculously bland, freshness lacked in all areas and the service was horrific. My family and I were seated for at least 30 mins before we decided to get up and leave when the waiter hurriedly came over to take our orders. Receiving our orders was chaotic. One waitress brought out food to our table, then took it back to give to the correct table (this happened multiple times). When our food finally arrived an hour later, my family had lost their appetite from all the surrounding commotion, to be explained further. My brother ordered shrimp scampi for the discounted price of $16.25 and received a small pile of tasteless pasta and 4 pieces of shrimp, my sister ordered pizza that arrived soggy and I ordered half a rosemary chicken that had absolutely NO flavor. Leaving was even worse. We asked for the check about 3 times when I finally told the hostess the get the check for me. But our experience wasn't the worst. The surrounding commotion involved multiple people who were also having a terrible dining experience. One family next to our table sent back the steak they received because it wasn't the Rib Eye steak that he ordered. But the waiter kept bringing back the same steak to the guy pawning it off as the real deal of Rib Eye. They also ordered mango juice, asking for it several times before finally receiving it. And they received an order of mussels that were bad-- the guy complained, the waiter just looked at him and said "sorry" and shrugged. The other couple next to us probably had the worst experience there. The guy and girl ordered the same dishes, but they brought out two different ones. The woman complained, and sent it back because it wasn't what she ordered. She sent the dish back 3 times, each time the waiter came to her, making sure he had the correct order, and then he'd bring the same original dish back to her. She finally asked for the manager. He said that she had already eaten off of the dish and they couldn't take it back. She explained to them that she didn't even touch the plate that came to her because it was NOT what she ordered, and sent it back immediately. The dish never got resolved. She was so fed up and just paid and left. This place is absolutely ridiculous--the service is bad, the food is bad--it's just not worth it. There are other restaurants on this strip, so I advise you to try any other place but this one.
(1)Tanya L.
The wait took forever after getting a table (like 2 and a half hours), the waitress had sass, and I paid like 14.00 bucks for a chicken ceasar salad (rip off) that was just okay. Regrets? Tons. Though the view can't be beat, you are so better off going to a different cafe. The icing on the cake was that she tacked on a "mandatory" tip fee, which was just so bogus. Colony Bistro is a helluva imperialistic craphole.
(2)Hillary C.
This is frankly the worst meal I have ever eaten. Sure the service on Ocean Dr. is usually pretty slow but that may just be the laid back attitude on South Beach this place though took it to a whole new level. The server we had did not know what the Soup of the Day was so he left to find out and came back to tell us it was Lobster Soup. Lobster Bisque I ask? No Lobster Soup. I take my chances. Its Lobster Bisque and not bad Score! Oh and they tell you your drink is 2 for 1 but not if you get a Grande. Then you only get one, but you pay for 2. What!? Unfortunately my table mates were not so lucky. My girl Tiff orders the Margarita Pizza and receives a cold cheese pizza. We tell the server its wrong, that a margarita pizza has tomatoes and basil on it. He goes to the back and comes and says that's how they make a Margarita pizza. My girl Lisa orders a Margarita (beverage), downs it, asks for her 2nd "free" one and then asks how much tequila is in it. The server asks back, "There's tequila in a margarita?" The table I'm at and the 2 tables next to us all burst out laughing. One of the guys at the next table says yeah he got that too and its the most expensive smoothie he's ever had. Our girl Maria orders a Cape Cod and receives a Mojito. The server just stares at her when she wants what she actually ordered. So by now we decide to ask for the Manager. The server asks the hostess. She comes over and tells us the Manager isn't there. We slowly say, "Ooookay" and when she sees this doesn't really do much for us she adds "And he doesn't speak English." We let it drop and go on bonding with those around us and telling anyone walking by who looks interested in the place that its the worst meal ever don't bother. I guess 3 tables of attractive half naked people laughing attracts other people so we got the chance to tell lots of people not to bother with The Colony Cafe. Then the table next to us gets their margarita pizza and it has basil on it. We high five cause theirs is ALMOST right! And to cap it all off 18% gratuity is already added and you can't take it off so ENJOY. So not only is it horrible but its expensive too. Try to avoid it if you can but if you can't be prepared for the best Worst meal of your life. :)
(1)Lisa L.
I've been here twice. The first time, a few years ago, and I only had drinks here. It's not bad only because it's nice to sit and relax & be in South Beach mode so I came back here last weekend and had dinner with friends. It was decently priced compared to other restaurants on the block and we had their dinner specials and was lured in by a round of free shots but as we walked further down and saw better food, my friends and I regretted not checking with Yelp first.
(2)Ken N.
Don't even try it. I blew it on this one. I wanted to try a restaurant on the South Beach waterfront. A waitress handed me a flyer for happy hour and I sat down because of the $7 dish's and the two for one margaritas. I ordered a Cuban sandwich, a salad, and a small Margarita. Not the big bowl shaped one's The Sandwich was disgusting and dry, I could have done better at Subway. The salad was drenched in dressing, and the Margarita was one of the worst I had in Florida. When the bill came it was $50! I looked closer and the Margarita was $16.95 and they tacked on an 18% gratuity. I was so mad. I could have done so much better for $50. I went to yelp to start my bad review and saw that this place is filled with bad reviews. I guess I deserve it for not checking.
(1)Maxwell S.
This place is the absolutely worst restaurant in the world! The service is bad and the bill is NOT YOURS! We ended up with a $250 dollar bill for 4 people (and we drank cheap alcohol0!
(1)PJ T.
I visited south beach for a few days and ate here for lunch with my friends on the first day, the food was no good and they over charged us for all the drinks, no one was satisfied, waste of time and money find something else don't waste your money
(1)Andrew E.
Rip off, don't go there. they temp you with cheap food and drinks and then charge you full price. Bad, Bad, Bad place to go!
(1)Tiffani N.
I have been to a lot of restaurants in a lot of cities all over the world, and this place was by far, the biggest joke of a place I've ever been to. So ... if you're in anger management therapy and are looking to test your patience, or just really love the irony of a good kick in the pants, by all means, the Colonoscopy Cafe will be a real treat. Bon Apathetic.
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